The history of masturbation describes broad changes in society concerning the ethics, social attitudes, scientific study, and artistic depiction of masturbation over the history of human sexuality. The sexual stimulation of one's own genitals has been interpreted variously by different religions , and has been the subject of legislation, social controversy, activism, as well as intellectual study in sexology. Social views regarding masturbation taboo have varied greatly in different cultures, and over history. There are depictions of male and female masturbation in prehistoric rock paintings around the world. A clay figurine of the 4th millennium BC from a temple site on the island of Malta , depicts a woman masturbating.
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The event is organized by New York Jacks, a group that hosts regular meetings for men to gather in relative public to do something nearly every man does in relative private. They take over Paddles on Tuesdays, and on Sundays host a meeting on the third floor of a building on West 38th Street. I first attended a New York Jacks meeting with a friend on a Tuesday a few weeks ago. What if we see someone we know? As in every fetish community, the fear of being outed as a participant in something deemed weird or pervy keeps many people, including bators, in the closet about their interests.
Among men who have sex with men, mutual masturbation is often seen as sex-adjacent, rather than a sex act in its own right. Sometimes we get a little stoned, sometimes we watch porn; afterward we usually catch up about friends or jobs or other plans. In an effort to better understand the appeal of mutual masturbation and the community that seeks it, I went looking for other men for whom jerking off together is not merely sex-adjacent, but an important part of a balanced sex life.
The New York Jacks meetup was not my first experience with public group sex. Not wanting to overcommit, I paid the single entry fee and resolved to keep an open mind about investing in my jerk-off future.
On the other side of the final door, a large older man wearing a jockstrap and sneakers ripped our tickets and asked whether it was our first time. Paddles is a long, narrow room with a bar though no alcohol is sold or permitted at NY Jacks events; instead, water and juice are offered beside a stack of small plastic cups , identified in dreamy pink neon as Whips and Licks Cafe.
We undressed at a bench near the entrance, put our shoes back on, claim tickets tucked into our socks for safekeeping, and waded in. Shoes and nothing else is an odd look, but the strangeness of it faded after a few minutes, and I stopped noticing. Considered alongside the rest of the weekly schedule at Paddles, the activities of New York Jacks seem pretty vanilla.
The line between a kink and a fetish can be hard to distinguish, but one measure is to define a kink as a sexual proclivity, and a fetish as a necessary condition for sexual satisfaction.
Mutual masturbation can be considered a kink for many who take part in it, but for others, who identify as solosexual , this kink rises to the level of fetish: It is their preferred or exclusive method of sexual activity. Some men I spoke to recounted experimentations with straight friends that ranged from watching porn together to jerking each other off, and for the ones who now identify as gay, these episodes reverberate intensely.
In hindsight, many seem like meeting halfway between Do I like this? Perhaps these are the opposite poles of every sexual encounter, but walking this line is vital to learning about your own desire, a process in which cruising and other forms of semi-anonymous sex, both online and in real life, can play a major part. One such online space is Kik, where there is at least one large private chat group of men in New York City who are into mutual masturbation. I spoke with one member of the group on Kik, a gay man in an open marriage whose husband is aware of his interests.
Mutual masturbation is about the safest sex you can have with another person, and, unlike many common sex acts between men, requires virtually no preparation. It is the base unit of casual sex among men, and lends itself to cruising and other non-bedroom rendezvous.
I recognized it as a hobby that I want to share. And touch them! My own scattered, teenage experiments were furtive and secret, and made me feel a deep and long-lasting shame about my own interest. Any closet is built out of a need to hide desire; even after coming out of The Closet, the major gay one, life can contain any number of smaller closets.
Perhaps it is painfully male to get off to waving your dick around, but it's true that simply getting naked in front of someone is a huge part of the appeal of mutual masturbation and shared exposure.
And that seems fine! This cult of penis-worship is on full display on BateWorld, a site that requires email registration to access. New members receive a 7-day premium membership trial to whet their appetites. Everyone I spoke to on Kik pointed me to BateWorld as a community portal, and said men they meet on other apps often ask whether they have a BateWorld profile. Profiles are searchable, and can be filtered by location x miles from y zip code, or by city , age, penis size, sexual orientation, and even circumcision status, among several other factors.
One benefit BateWorld has over actual Facebook, aside from not being a malevolent engine of back-channel personal-information sale undermining American democracy, is that friend requests include a drop-down menu of categories: Buddy, Special Buddy, Just Curious, Hottie, or Other, with a text field to clarify whatever relationship you have or wish to have. As on Grindr, many BateWorld profiles are arrestingly frank about their interests, and in a lexicon as rich as it is specific.
I am likely both too repressed and too vanilla to ever be a gooner of any distinction, but the term speaks to the existence of a community of men for whom masturbation is a serious and important aspect of their sexuality. This insistence on the primal, the ur-male act of self-pleasure, is interesting to consider as a dividing line between mutual masturbation and sex, and the distinct kinds of relationships that surround both.
Masturbation is sex with yourself; mutual masturbation is sex with yourself with other people, who are also having sex with themselves.
But voyeurism is not sex, and, in the eyes of some, neither is mutual masturbation. Either way, why turn away perfectly good companionship just because the context has changed?
And yet look at me now. My earliest sexual experiences involved mutual masturbation — at sleepovers, in someone's unchaperoned basement, or over Skype — but I have often been afraid to admit how formative I believe those early, secret explorations were to my sexual development.
I lived for years in denial about what I wanted from other boys my age, or why, and chalked my interest up to the plausible deniability of anthropological curiosity. Jerking off or talking about doing so with someone else was as close as I could get at the time to admitting same-sex desire, by labeling it simple boyish curiosity. Maybe many do, but universalizing my own desires was my only avenue to self-acceptance. A visit to New York Jacks is cashing in on the numberless adolescent hours many of us spent alone in bed, fantasizing about just such an opportunity.